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Tips on how to build emotional intelligence for your child
What is emotional intelligence?
“Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” Psychology Today
This is the definition of emotional intelligence or “EI”. Now, let’s think why is it so crucial for our young children to acquire EI early on. We know that we are emotional beings and we start demonstrating our emotions as soon as we are born. How many of us still struggle to manage our emotions now as adults?
Now imagine you can provide the support and tool set NOW when your children are just toddlers. First and foremost, we need to allow children to express their emotions.
Expressing emotions- What does that even mean? A child is naturally inclined to show or express their emotions. However, many times we (adults) try to stop or in many ways hinder them from genuinely expressing themselves. How many times do we say “Stop whinning”, “Boys don’t cry” or even worse “I don’t want to hear it”. All these saying and others similar to these send the message that we don’t want our children to express their emotions. I understand, many times we are frustrated and overwhelmed ourselves. But, and that’s a big BUT we must allow our little ones to truly express their emotions. They are little humans that need to say how they feel and we should as caregivers provide a safe and loving environment for them to express their emotions.
Secondly, we can help them define their emotions.
Defining emotions- Children, have difficulties properly assigning emotions to what they are feeling. What do I mean by that, they may say their sad when they are having a good time with friends. Many times we may have to say or inquire more as to why and show them how someone would feel and look if they are “sad” or “mad”. This can be done with modeling or acting out or through books and movies. I know, I am one that sometimes had and continue to have a hard time explaining how I feel; remember sometimes this brings up a sense of shame and guilt. This is also helpful to expand their vocabulary or when they start “negative self-talk”.
It is helpful to ask open-ended questions such as:
Why do you feel that way?
What happened before you felt that way?
Can you tell me more?
Finally, validate their emotions. This is very important since we all want to feel some level of empathy from others.
Validate their emotions- As caregivers, we must validate or show our children that their emotions are understood and that they are cared for and supported. This is a good time to tell them, “I understand” or “I am here for you”. Now, this doesn’t mean that you should completely understand or feel what your child feels. But they should feel supported. More importantly, you are showing them how to be empathetic. We should always strive to be the best role models for our children.
